Throughout my eating-out experiences in Ukraine, the one thing I have particularly enjoyed is the English menu. Many restaurants don’t have it, but some do. And when they do, they are quite likely to be a source of entertainment. It seems that almost every restaurant that we’ve visited here with an English menu hasn’t bothered to have it translated by a professional – generally it seems to be translated by any Joe who has had a little English training, or maybe has purchased a Russian/English dictionary. Thus, the translations of food items and their descriptions on the English menu are generally accurate, but sometimes quite funny. I do understand that there is a special kind of language used on a menu that we don’t usually use in everyday speech. I say fried fish, the menu says pan-seared haddock. I say garlic potatoes, the menu says fire-roasted fingerling potatoes, seasoned with tender garlic scapes. So I do want to cut the menu translators some slack. But sometimes, rather than entice us to order their food, the English menu food descriptions make us laugh, or look for the simplest, most familiar food. Some favorites we’ve encountered: crabby salad, granny’s pickled products, tunny filets, chicken with fungus, salad from sea products, and the most memorable: Trout in the Shape of a Squirrel. The trout was found on the menu at a local Chinese restaurant. Perhaps serving trout in the shape of a squirrel in Ukraine (or in China) is an especially exotic or appealing way to eat it. Maybe it has some significance. Or maybe it’s just a bad translation. Anyway, a friend of a friend was inspired by the trout and wrote a poem about it, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Little do they know: not only are those menu translators providing us Anglophones with a general idea of what we’re ordering, they’re also inspiring art.
Trout In the Shape Of A Squirrel (A Poem)
“Do I eat nuts? Do I look like I eat nuts?”
I used to slalom to and fro
To flick in the air, a silver rainbow
Where the rivers bend. The world all seemed to flow
My way. I was king of the day.
(Do I eat nuts? Do I look like I eat nuts?)
As the evening fell, my luck did end
For a friend of a restaurateur‘s best friend
Dropped a net my tail could not defend
Away. Now I sadly say:
(I eat nuts. I must eat nuts)
I'm the trout they shaped like a beast of the bough
Don’t ask me where or why or how
One gets a feel for mixed-up chow
These parsnips in the form of a cow
Giraffe cakes, kangaroo pilau
A haddock which I swear meowed
To a lemon sponge who howled ‘bow wow.’
(It is nuts. Now I bid you Ciao).
Laura
