Kids Do the Darndest Things

Yes, I know, the title is a bit on the corny side, but hopefully I can explain. One of the highlights of my week is Saturday evenings. I usually spend the afternoon at Good Shepherd and take 2-3 kids home with me. We have been doing this in an orderly fashion to try to be fair to everyone. We make supper, play games, and talk; then they spend the night on the couch and go along to church Sunday morning. Most of the time the kids behave very well, but sometimes they don’t. And sometimes they behave in a way that Laura and I have to use all our energy to stop from laughing. And, after the fact, just the mention of one of these occurrences makes us laugh, no matter how dreary our mood. Those of you who have actual parenting experience probably have countless stories like the ones that follow. Upon reading them I realize they’re sort of “I guess you had to be there stories” but I thought some of you may appreciate them. To help in the character development, each of the kids that we “laugh with” in the following paragraphs loves to be the center of attention.

Katya and Olya (two 7-year-old girls) are a handful. I have no idea how it is possible for someone to watch them and 14 other girls at the same time. We had just finished supper and they were arguing about who got to do the dishes (pointing that energy in the right direction). They finally agreed that Katya would wash the plates and Olya got the cups and lasagna pan. While Katya washed, Olya “prepared” her cups for washing by putting a several tablespoons of dish soap in each cup. When it was her turn, she was very systematic in her washing, filling the cup with water, lathering the dishsoap until it covered everything, wiping every square centimeter, rinsing the sponge of soap, and using the sponge to wipe off all the soapsuds before proceeding to the next cup. The water conservation people would not be impressed, but it was quite entertaining. It took her over five minutes to wash four cups, and then another five to wash the pan. I was a bit worried that there would be soap suds backing up in the drains of the people who live below us, but I didn’t hear anything. Notice her focus in the picture. She is typically one who begs to have her picture taken but was so into her task that she didn’t even notice the camera.

Having finished a difficult game of Uno, involving much yelling and punching (usually for not following the rules properly), Vitya and Ilya (two 8-year-old boys) were sitting down to relax. Ilya went to his bag and pulled out two books “to practice reading.” He gave the first--some sort of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles book--to Vitya and kept a nice, red hardcover, which looked like it could be a classic, for himself. I approached with interest to see what it was that he found so interesting in a book that looked like it may be slightly difficult for him. The two-column format looked strangely familiar and, upon inspecting it, I realized he was reading the 1988 Makeevka telephone directory (Hardcover telephone books—the Soviet Union did it up right). Upon my asking if the book was interesting, he said “yes, of course.” Vitya, usually one to look for a fight, looked up, inquired why Ilya had brought the directory, and returned to his own reading when Ilya matter-of-factly told him that “reading is reading.”

Vika and Kristina are sisters. Vika is the older, well-behaved one while Kristina is a somewhat wild 9-year-old. We decided that we would all sit down to a game of Phase-10, and Laura, Vika and I started to get serious. Kristina, however, was the entertainer. She spent the evening jumping on the couch, ducking behind furniture and talking to herself on the other side of the room. Every so often she would make a random appearance at the table to lay down some cards and pick up some more. There was never any rhyme or reason to the cards she laid down or how many she picked up and, when asked about it, just giggled and was on her way to do some more jumping and talking. And the best part was that her ladylike sister hardly batted an eye.

I know it’s politically incorrect even to laugh when kids when they are learning to read or talking to themselves. But these are some of the highest-energy, most fun kids I have ever met—and laughing may be the only calm coping mechanism. One common thread of these occurrences is that Laura and I rarely say or do anything other than observe. And the kids are very entertaining.

Dave